Does anyone seriously, ever really know why they are the way they are? I mean really, when you sit and think about all the factors in the universe that could contribute to a person being the way they are, you can get really lost in all the details of who, what, when, where, and why. But I’ve simply narrowed it down to two things… grab your pen and paper.. you might want to take notes.
Now, I’m not saying that just these things can make a person good or bad or any other characteristic but I do believe they have some small role in forming who you are.
Now let me talk about myself for a second.
My childhood was pretty normal compared with other people’s. I lived in a small house, was fed regularly, and had parents who loved me (still do). I had plenty of toys to play with but I saw how hard my parents worked to pay for things so I understood that having money is a privilege and we were pretty lucky. My great-grandmother took me to church every Sunday and I learned many valuable lessons there. I was that kid who rode a bike, climbed trees, played in the mud all day until Mom would come outside and tell me that it was time for dinner. I went to bed at decent hours, got spanked when I misbehaved, and got boo-boos kissed to make them better. My sister and I laughed, giggled, and played until we couldn’t anymore. I ate, slept, and breathed Barbies and Polly Pocket dolls. Again, I’ll say my childhood was normal.
But still, it had it’s fair share of family drama and heartache. These things I won’t get into detail with but the older I got, the more it all began to affect me and I realized just how walled up I’d become. You see, I have some family who will outwardly express their feelings and sometimes too much, causing problems and others who totally bottle things up, not dealing with their emotions. I became very confused at how to properly communicate and sometimes I’d do both. I was never sure of the proper way to deal with things. As a kid, it’s kind of hard when you don’t have a stable example in front of you to go off of. Therefore, today I am riddled with trust issues and communication problems, never knowing quite how to share my feelings about things. It doesn’t totally hinder me but it has given me a little grief every now and then.
Now don’t confuse me when I say all of this. I’m just being honest here with what I grew up with. I love my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are some of the strongest, supportive, and funniest people I know, and they all have done and are still doing the best they can. That’s all I ask for and I’m so blessed by them.
Moving on to friends.. one detail that I’ve noticed. Growing up I always had girl friends. My cousins were majority girls, I have a sister, all my best friends, ever, have been girls. I’m not saying it’s been bad but growing up with so many girls, you never really know how to act around the opposite gender. It’s not something I’m used to and I had to start figuring it out during my teen years, and I still struggle now with it. How do you talk to them? I find myself sometimes riddled with the right thing to say and then it sometimes comes out as a confused mess or just one word, which makes me look completely idiotic. Question after question.. You can say it’s affected my relationships with boys greatly and it’s honestly something I might be clueless about for a while.
There wasn’t really one big point to this post, only to say that you are who you choose to be.
I think that anyone can be better or worse than how they were raised. We (and God) overall have the ultimate decisions in the directions our lives go and we choose what we want to choose. But your childhood – family and friends- will always rooted in your heart and will forever be with you, no matter how great or terrible it was. The best thing to do is embrace it and use the good about it to help shape you into who you choose to be.
You might actually surprise yourself with what you find when you evaluate all of these things. Get up close and personal with who you are deep down, getting to know the real you and love who you find! Remember there is only one of you: love yourself!