Tough Tuesday’s: Pondering Life

Have you ever had those dreams where you are falling and have no idea when you’re gonna hit the ground but you know it’s gonna hurt?

That’s what being a twenty-one year old college student feels like, I would say most of the time.

Something really great happens and then it goes back to being fuzzy, confusing, sad and frankly overwhelming.

I always thought that growing up would be really exciting and exciting things would happen at every turn but that’s so not true.

I mean sure, I’ve had some incredible moments, made some great friends, learned a lot about myself but that doesn’t make it any less stressful.

I wish I could go back to being eight and having no care in the world. Not worried about the future, not worried about screwing up, failing, not worried about having a career that gives you no real meaning or ending up where you started, wondering how you wasted the last four years in college, only to be back here.

They tell us to graduate, go to college, pick a major, get a job, get married, have some kids, work, and die.

And I’m not saying I don’t want all those things but where is the joy in the moments between?

What happened to my joy?

Aren’t those moments where we learn more about ourselves and grow deeper into ourselves?

Has college and trying to get to the next step totally drained me of my joy?

If it has, then, I can’t let it continue any longer. It’s the hardest thing to do but I think I must wake up daily and decide to just be happy, decide to seek my joy and not let the future steal it. Living in the present sounds super cliché but it’s the truth and it’s what I need in my life at the moment, or else….

Prayer warriors out there, pray for me, persistently. That I could find my joy again, find it and keep it.

much love,


*Image above from Pinterest*


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