I sometimes wish you were real. Like if I could make my own little world and choose the people in it I would choose you and the people here. We could call it Blogville and everyone would be happy because I picked just us to be there. At times I wish some of you were more than just comments and likes on a screen. I wish I could call some of you or meet up with some of you for coffee. I wish I could go to the movies with you guys or go shopping for used books. I know that we would have great conversations and would share thoughts on the world, our dreams, our wishes, and maybe even our fears. But reality sets in, knowing that none of that is likely. We must only share the screen with one another.
We all get tired of feeling alone sometimes in the real world. I’m sure some of my followers can relate. You get tired of no one ever calling you to hang out or to talk about life. You wonder if all of your friends have fallen off the earth. You get tired of always having to keep up friendships, having to text people the awkward “Hey. You wanna go grab lunch or something and catch up?” message, even though you haven’t talked to that person in weeks and aren’t really sure if they’re even still your friend. No one is at fault for that, I just think we get so busy that we don’t put in the effort that we should to keep these friendships and connections alive.
I hear about my friends hanging out with my other friends and I think… why didn’t I get invited to that event? Am I not “cool” enough? What’s wrong with me? I don’t know, maybe I don’t try hard enough to be a friend to others? Maybe I’m just meant to be a loner, and there’s nothing wrong with that, right? And that’s where I have snap out of it!
I know, deep, deep down, that this thinking, this way of living, is the enemy pushing my buttons and trying to get me to believe I’m not likeable. The enemy will twist my thoughts and try to get me at every angle, his teeth gnashing at my heart and mind, fixated on making me feel worthless, making me feel alone. In these moments though, like right now when I just want to believe that I’m truly unlikeable, I cling to my Heavenly Father, who knows me better than anyone. I can’t let the lies steal my joy. It’s in these moments that I’m reminded how loved I am, not just by friends and family, but ultimately by God, my Creator.
I don’t need friendships or texts or invites to know I’m loved because at the end of the day I need to be able to love myself because God alone loves me for me.
Though, I still wouldn’t mind a trip to Blogville every once in a while to chat with you guys over coffee but nonetheless, I’ll just keep pretending.
hope you enjoyed my musings (and depressive whining,)